I’ve been traveling lately, to the Rainbow Book Fair in NYC and also to visit elderly relatives. Gives one food for thought. The characters in my novels travel by foot, horse, camel, boat, and even chariot. In Sylvia’s new novel, they cross the country in a covered wagon, and it takes them months. So why am I not grateful for aviation? See below:

Pre-Flight Instructions

Welcome aboard, you lucky passengers!
The skies these days are so much friendlier,
even intimate.
Why, look at the lady standing at
row 28, cramming a flower-print carry-on
into an overstuffed overhead bin
while others push past her.
Move faster, my dear, but you needn’t blush.
The guard at the gate yanked up her trouser leg
displaying her prosthesis
to one and all.
Just a little humiliation to assure us
we’ll be safe from harm,
from members of the Islamic State
wearing below-the-knee bombs.

You’ll find our snugly reconfigured cabin
will help you meet your traveling companions.
Your elbows and theirs do-si-do on the armrest.
The steward suggests you refrain
from eating onions on the plane,
and if your knees are pressed against
the seat in front of you
just wiggle your toes to stave off
blood stagnation.
You won’t be able to move much more than that
until your destination.
You could’ve purchased a couple of extra inches
at twenty dollars each, if you weren’t penny-pinching.
Too late now—every space is taken.

A screen on the back of the seat that jams you in
(unless you’re a midget)
flashes ad after ad in your face.
We’ll sell you something, whatever your budget:
time shares in the tropics, toenail fungus cream,
the vacation of your dreams,
cures for baldness, indigestion, limp erections,
new cars with lots of room in them,
an in-flight movie, only seven bucks—
can’t stand the ads? A tiny button darkens the screen.
Good luck finding it.

Four dollars for a bag of chips or Gummi bears,
eight for a good stiff drink—say,
who’s making that fuss in 28A?
The woman with the artificial leg. No tears
allowed; they’re prejudicial to customer contentment.
Buy a glass of wine and stuff your resentment;
continue to bawl
and we’ll put you on the no-fly list.
Next time take the bus
to your grandma’s funeral.

Thank you for flying with us.
We know you have a choice of airlines
or did before the latest merger.
They’re pretty much alike these days.
Now buckle up, and prepare for departure.